Online Dating
October 16, 2009
jenmarpha
Here’s what I have to say about online dating…
it’s stupid and it makes me feel like I have an extra part-time job. Where is my white knight? I’m not gonna find him on OkCupid, which I like to call OkStupid! Here are my options:
*a gay guy with halitosis breath (which I actually went on a date with, of course not realizing he was gay until meeting him. I don’t know if he knows he’s gay or not, but I know he is. Okay, benefit of the doubt, let’s say he’s not gay, he’s just effeminate. Still! I grew up on a farm and my dad is a truck driver! I can not do effeminate. I need a man man! Now don’t think I have an issue with gays. I love my gays! Me and Kathy Griffin! We love the gay men. I’m good with gay men! But a guy to date?…Fix my toilet, take out the trash, and then know what the hell you’re doing when it comes to a woman. Is that so much to ask?)
*some guy who always tries to chat with me and invite me over for sex…any time of the day or night. his name is surfguy, but i like to call him booty call guy. and the thing is, he’s cute? what is wrong with him?
*some guy who always tries to chat with me but he lives in…oh, i don’t remember. India or…hell, I don’t remember. A foreign country. No, I will not help you get your green card!
*then we have needy guy. I could just sense it! Eck. I half expected him to propose before coffee.
*and then all the 50 year old, out of shape old men. Now I know I’m no supermodel, but COME ON!
and there’s more but I’m just getting exhausted thinking about this.
I think I’m done with online dating. I’ll need to meet him at the farmers market or something. I hear that’s a good place. Or the dog park, except then I have to get a dog. I’m more of a cat person, but they don’t have cat parks.
BTW, gay guy emailed me after the date to say I was…wait for it…sparkly. And you’re trying to date women? Dude, you’re gay!
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